Durin's Deadliest Day
by Task Mistress
Summary: Thorin, Frerin and their army go off to war at Azanulbizar. Dis and Tian who follow, plan to be near, to aid the wounded. The year is 2799 before the betrothel of Thorin to Tian. The document gives Tian's acccount of the battle, the death of Frerin and the aftermath. As she witnessed and recorded, years later, after her betrothel to Thorin.
1. The Silent Partner

The Silent Partner:

The women of Thorin Oakenshield were Dis and the orphan Tian

Dis. The Princess of Erebor Born 2760. Sister of Thorin Born 2745, and Frerin, bore 2751. Dis is the mother of Fili 2859, and Kili, 2864.

There is an unbearable sadness, and perhaps, shame that Thorin Oakenshield takes upon himself for the terrible day that our lives were forever changed at Erebor. Thorin seems to suffer feelings of responsibility for the loss, especially of the women, and subsequently, the generations that will never follow.

It has been recorded thus far, that Thorin Oakenshield, heir of Durin, had never taken a wife. It had been rumored that Thorin might deny himself what other Dwarves could not have on account of their great loss. Other rumors tediously floated about as well. One of the more common, being that Azog and his line of Orcs had vowed to one day see the line of Durin brutally ended. Thorin is an honorable man and heir and in fact, there are two women in his life. His baby sister Dis is almost 20 years the younger. And there is myself. I write this now to set the record straight in honor of the Dwarves and the women who did not survive. I also write this for Thorin, my King, for unknowingly, I would come to be his silent partner.

My name is Tian. This is all that I know about my own identity from birth. The account I give now of the story that follows, is important, because little is written about us, the women who survived the attack on Erebo. Roughly, only a third of our kind, are women, and many were smoldered to death by Smaug.

Companion and attendant to Dis, sister of Thorin and Frerin, I Tian, spent much of my life in the company of Durin's heirs. It had been so since our childhood. I was orphaned never knowing my parents. King Thrain found me in the year 2762, when I was more or less 12 years, and gave me to his daughter, aged 2. In one kind and generous gesture he had given me a home and a purpose. My gratitude to for this gesture was realized in my service to Dis. Several years her elder, I nevertheless was counted as Dis' playmate, and, companion, as there were fewer girls than the boys. I was not a sister; however, I was not treated much differently than one. Thorin and Frerin behaved in a brotherly way, despite my station, and developmentally, I was closer in age to

them. It became my duty to assist in caring for Dis. She is the little sister I never had, and I love her very dearly. I would forever be indebted to Thrain for his kindness.

Sadly, Frerin was killed in battle. The year was 2799. I will to write more on Freirin's behalf in a separate account to honor his memory. He deserved that. It was another terrible blow to Thorin and Dis whose lives had already seen great pain. He was a young warrior worthy of an appropriate epitaph.

My life as well took turns unexpected to me. Those turns consequently have their own humble bearing on others including our King. When we were forced into exile, I remained close to Dis. Although Dis was strong and proud, like her kin, the catastrophic events that transpired left her as shaken and uncertain about the future as it did for all of us who survived. Life in those days, as we had come to know it was very difficult. Contributions made by Dis, however, altered our very history and paths. When I have finished, let the record show this, so she will not be forgotten. As an orphan of little significance, I would have been among the forgotten as well. King Thrain gave me a home in a mighty house, but it was his son, my King who bore his people's heartbreak upon his own shoulders. I love him with all of my heart. If I should not survive, let it be known that his heart was as large as the mighty mountain itself, and as pure as the gold within it.

Although many hardships and heartache for the Dwarves have been recorded, it is important to note that life did renew. Dis was married and bore her husband two sons. Fili, the older and Kili became her true joy in life even though we were exiled from Erebor. They were the much needed blessing upon her life that stirred Dis back from the depression of the ruin and exile she lived both physically and emotionally.

Thorin and the Dwarf men had taken the charge of caring for the people by way of the anvil and the intensive, hard labor it required to forge a new life. The catastrophe at Erebor was ever present in the minds, of the Dwarf men so there was very little joy in those difficult days. We had survived and were growing stronger! We had life! For many suffering that great loss, the new life of exile seemed not worth living.

Although Thorin was of sound mind, he somehow bore that unbearable shame of that fateful day as if he himself somehow should have been able to stop it from happening. He and his men worked endlessly with a fury that drove them consistently forward. Their eyes were filled with a complexity of sorrow and hatred of the Elves as they worked, yet that complexity was not all that still lived within their souls. Times of peace would indeed return to their hearts. Those times were most welcome.

It is with all certainty, that the births of Fili and Kili were the most significant of those times. Dis and her husband were beyond joy with the two healthy boys. For Thorin it also marked a new beginning. I was a witness to their births having assisted with both boys, after long and arduous deliveries of each. I was also witness to a new light I saw in Thorin's troubled eyes. The boys were now the future heirs of Durin and Thorin realized within a brand new baby's heartbeat, that he could perhaps one day return to them, their rightful home!

As I placed Fili in Thorin's strong and capable forearm, the first tears of joy since the calamity appeared in his eyes. Eyes, that for so long seemed transfixed with anger, now finally ran with tears upon his weary face. Real tears of joy that had waited for their chance to show there was hope for this King's broken heart, had finally surfaced. Through all of the trials and all of the suffering, the tiny, baby, Fili had made his mark and renewed the heart of Thorin Oakenshield!

His forehead fell to my shoulder, and for a moment he wept! I closed my eyes. His warmth and the touch of his face against my neck were so very sensual. I had not expected his reaction, but it was the warmest thing I had ever felt. My own arms fell to his waist, and I remember wishing for him not to move and for the moment, while it lasted, I breathed all of him in feeling life again too.

Then with a great breath of relief and excitement, he lifted Fili up in his outstretched arms and simply said, "Yes!" A smile had finally returned to his face as he congratulated the new parents, returning Fili to Dis, who by now, was very anxious to hold him again herself, nursing and warming him with her own body. She recovered very quickly and became by every measure, a dedicated mother.

A turning point had finally arrived, but not just for Thorin. His renewed spirit lit a spark in all of the Dwarves. Work continued and prospered. As the terrifying, chill of the nightmare began to diminish, just enough to allow hope to grow, it did just that! A turning point had arrived for me as well. I hadn't felt closeness with a man as when Thorin's head rested upon my shoulder and I saw the genuine look of joy in his eyes. But now I had, and it was intoxicatingly addictive.

Thorin's smile, his real smile, was a sight to behold. For all of the turmoil and wickedness he had endured his face rarely bore one! The chiseled lines of life had worn deeply into his brow, now heavily burdened. But when he smiled his eyes softened with kindness. I was certain that there was love still deep inside of his soul, despite all of the troubled years. When he would smile at me, I became breathless.

When Kili arrived, Fili instantly became the doting older brother who kept watch by his brother's cradle. There was something about the tiny Kili that seemed to sense when his brother was near! His eyes had a glowing happiness about them, and Fili always took great pleasure in proving he could make his baby brother smile! Thorin took notice of Fili's dedication, perseverance, and love for his younger brother; He would often come to be with them both. Allowing for time with the boys was bringing him peace. I looked forward to his daily visits. Often I would find Fili asleep in the cradle along side of Kili warming him. I too longed for that kind of warmth. I found it increasingly harder to not to notice Thorin's physical stature, beauty, strength and his kind attentiveness. He had a commanding presence, impossible to ignore.

For so long, Thorin had not allowed himself any measure of happiness, bearing our loss as if he alone had failed us. It was as if he had turned to stone and banished happiness from his life. I believe it was Fili and Kili that first possessed the power to change that, which was the reason he would come to see them daily! Although Kili was still too young to understand his words, he took great pride in telling them the stories of the Dwarves proud history. His resonate voice was soothing to the boys. In the glow of the hearth, Fili's eyes would light while Kili made little sounds of contentment as he lay in Thorin's arms. I would listen closely, and hang on every word! I had no memory of my own history or parents and as I listened. I imagined that my parents had played some small or grand role in Thorin's tale.

Holding both boys in his arm as he had become accustomed to doing, he would look up under that furrowed brow with an intensity that captivated me. His eyes could look straight through your soul, and I was certain, and afraid, that he knew what was in my heart. I had fallen in love with him, but that was something I kept to myself. I often wondered if it was apparent to Dis. If it were, to her credit she said nothing. Before leaving, Thorin would put a finger to my forehead, and smile as he brushed the hair from my eyes, tracing down around my cheek. My heart pounded so, and I could barely breath, looking into those piercing, sorrowed eyes that seemed to want, but then, he would leave. I would nearly collapse every time he did this!

There was always the presence of the cold. I was tired of being cold, so tired of it, especially in the night. I thought of him now every night as I drifted into sleep, wondering what it would be like to fall asleep in his arms, against his warm body. Knowing how his kind of warmth had felt against my neck and shoulder made me only want him more. My duties to Dis and the boys were a welcome distraction of work that kept me busy. But even that could not sustain the inevitable.

Fire in the night:

One night I made a careless mistake. As I left the nursery, the candles were burning. It was a colder night than usual so I left the nursery to fetch more blankets for the boys and myself. One of the candles had fallen over. Since I was not there to extinguish it, the nursery, became enflamed within minutes. I ran back in to find the boys in the thick smoke and flames. I was able to lift them both from their bed and cradle into my arms and make my way to the door but my gown had caught fire in the midst of all of this and I was beginning to burn as well.

Close by, Thorin, Dwalin and Dis had seen the smoke and flame and came to our aid. Dis quickly wrapped me in a blanket and smothered the fire as the men put out the rest of it. Thankfully the boys were not harmed, and Dis took them off to her room.

I was so shaken and horrified. How could I have been so stupid? I put the boys in danger and almost cost them their lives. How could I face Dis or Thorin after this negligence? I sat alone on the floor, shaking while Dis tended to her boys, down the hall. It was then that Thorin came in. So sure he would be angry, I averted my eyes from his. But he kneeled down and gently lifted me up. He lifted my chin to make me look into his eyes. Shaking his head, he took his fingers and once again brushed my hair from my eyes, and said, "There now Tian, we will not lose you!"

His eyes stirred my soul and this time I did not allow him to let me go. I reached up to hold his gentle smile and he bent over and he kissed my lips. Years of self deprivation were in his kiss. The rush of blood to my head made me dizzy for more, as he spoke my name again, and pressed his lips to mine. I became oblivious of the fire only moments earlier. I was still shaking, but now, I didn't know if it were from the fire I had started, or the fire he had.

I knew this much, I would not spend that night cold or alone!

My gown, singed and burnt all but then fell apart in Thorin's hands. Very quickly, he assisted me off to his quarters. Once inside, he bolted his door. The sound of the bolt locking caught me off guard and I turned to face Thorin directly beside me, removing his somewhat burned and smokey shirt, for another. With a simple pull at my shoulder, my gown fell to the floor, and with an awkward smile, and shrug of his massive shoulders, he handed me a large shirt of his own.

"It should do for now." He said. He then crossed the dimly lit room to a cabinet, where he reached for a wooden box, and rummaged through it, removing something from inside of it. Walking back to me with a look of intense determination upon his face, he grabbed my arm and held it up. He pressed a cuff around my wrist, and said in his gruff way, "I do not take this lightly. There are some who would see the line of Durin eliminated. A life with me is a life with great risk! You have served and cared for us all for many years, not knowing your past, but I will promise you a future if you will you accept this! You must not wear it, but if you will you accept it and the significance it represents, you will be my wife. Will you accept this of your own free will?"

"Yes, I will! I will Thorin!" The barely audible words could barely escape my mouth as he held my face in his hands and kissed me again! And so with that gesture we were secretly betrothed, and very passionately spent the first night of our new lives together. I would finally know his warmth in the night instead of my own loneliness. I would finally wake in warm arms and linger there longer as I may.

Another king of another kingdom might simply have taken from a woman whatever he wanted, but it is important and significant to note that Thorin Oakenshield wouldn't allow for any dishonor before taking me as his wife.

Finally there was a measure of happiness for Thorin. I would commit myself to him and what happiness I could give him. It is with great hope in my heart that I may not only give Thorin his own son, but also strengthen his line by giving him several heirs.

Our marriage commitment to each other was made secretly, in word only, each other. This was to ensure my safety. With my husband's permission, this is the only documentation written of the account, but it must remain locked away for a time when Orcs no longer roam the plains at will.

There was no grand wedding, no feasts or celebration among the people. Their pain and loss was still part of ours as well. Instead, there were only the two lovers, wanting only to be alone, just as it should be. Our bond was known only to those closest to Thorin including Dis, Balin and Dwalin. For as long as there are Orcs, I must remain my husband's silent partner. In every way I maintain my duties and appearance as Dis' companion and aid. For even though I have become the wife of our king, we are not out of these troubled woods yet. There is much to be done. We are still rebuilding our lives, and all are counted upon to do their part, even a queen.


	2. Durin's Deadliest Day

Durin's Deadliest Day

From the official Journal of Tian

Wife of Thorin Oakenshield

This journal is the property of Thorin Oakenshield. It may only to be shared with his consent, in the event that my death has occurred, and there have been no heirs to the house of Durin born to us.

The Death of our Brother Frerin

The story of the great battle at Azanulbizar has been recorded formally by Balin, who took great care in relaying the events he witnessed, despite his immense shock, horror and heartbreak at the loss of those he loved.

My record of this battle is a more informal account that I write for Frerin. I'm not a scribe, but wanted to tell his story, based on what I witnessed. In my youth, I admired him like a brother as I did Thorin as well, and often wished he was. It saddens me still, that he would not live to know that indeed he would become my brother. Frerin had a jovial love of life and often made time to be with Dis and me. Thorin had his ways, and time with us too, but as eldest son, had more important matters and responsibilities at hand.

Frerin took on many responsibilities, including working with us, training us to defend ourselves. All Dwarf women were taught to fight. It was just a part of the reality life and the need to be prepared. He was a very skilled instructor with a bow, sword, or an axe. He taught us how to use whatever we had, to our advantage, whether it be stones, spears, fire, even our boots. Although we trained together under Frerin, he would often remind me in Dis' absence, that I could one day find myself the last measure of her defense. So it was important to know when and how to react! I was very grateful for his training and time together!

It was not expected of the Dwarf women to attend battle, though we were trained to fight and defend if need be. It was generally known that although Thrain would allow Dwarf women to fight, he preferred that we did not because our numbers were so few. However several groups of the women did attend this battle. We knew in our hearts that we would be needed to aid the wounded and dying.

Dis and I had been ordered by Thorin not to follow. However, Dis loved her brothers dearly, and would not be left behind. Thrain had gone missing, so there was the added anticipation and hope that he might be found. I would not have Dis go without me. I loved her and Frerin had worked so hard preparing us. So we too gathered the needed garb, mail, weapons, and supplies. We organized a group of the women and left shortly after the men had left, so we would be not be so easily spotted by Thorin's observant eye.

During the battle we remained by the edge of the wood, not far from Lake Kheled-zaram. We found our work the moment we arrived, as the terrible onslaught had already begun and raged before us. We treated the wounded and dying to the best of our abilities. That was just where Thorin found us! He was very angry to see us, but had no time to waste arguing with Dis, or with me. His eyes said all that needed to be said, anger, and fear for us, as he turned away to take on the enemy.

Although we understood Thorin's position, Dis and I would not be kept away. They were our family, our hope, and live or die, we had to be there! So, when it happened, that Frerin fell, fighting alongside his cousin, we felt the devastation that we witnessed. To have not been there with him would have been much harder for us. Below are my words and observations, be what they may.

I offer this epitaph in honor of my friend, the closest thing I knew to a brother.

Frerin, son of Thrain, Son of Thror, younger brother of Thorin and older brother of Dis, was born 2751, and killed, 2799 on this field of battle at Azanulbizar. The cold, darkened day was full of death, and the terrible sounds of the dying.

Frerin fought with bow, and with axe, bravely beside his cousin. Fundin, son of Farin, also fell with Frerin, when late in the day, a small line of Orcs had established themselves on a hill in front of Frerin and Fundin. Together, with a number of Fundin's company of Dwarves from the Iron Hills they systematically divided and destroyed the Orc line, killing both warg and rider. When a second and third line of Orc and warg appeared, they flanked, and surrounded Frerin and Fundin's line. With backs together the Dwarves continued their fight, wielding their axes, and firing arrows, killing Orcs, and even making a last charge with blades slicing through warg. This was Frerin's last stand, as valiantly he fought and died. Beside him lay Fundin, a loyal companion in life and now in death as well. 2662-2799.

We watched horrified as they fell. A charging Orc with axe caught Frerin with an upward thrust to his chest. Simultaneously, Frerin's blade, lodged in the neck of the Orc, and the grotesque beast was killed as well. Instinctively, Dis tried to run out to Frerin, but with all of my strength, I held her back. Frerin's eyes locked on us for what seemed like several moments, then he fell motionless. Before Dis could let out her desperate scream, I buried her face in my chest. It would have been a dangerous move to allow Orc to know of the presence of women here. Thorin's line of Dwarves had moved up and over the hill and began to decimate the line of Orcs. Fundin's father Nain, son of Gror was also engaged in the fight and had began to turn the battle in their favor. His assault on Azog was to be short lived however. When Nain charged the gate of Moria and challenged Azog, the challenge was met. Azog delivered a severe blow to Nain's neck, breaking it instantly. And so, Nain, son of Gror also fell.

It was already a tragic day for Those of us who loved Frerin. Now Fundin, and Nain were also lost, but so much more was yet to come. Azog the defiler had Thror in his grasp, and before Thorin's eyes, he beheaded our King, the grandfather of Thorin, Frerin and Dis.

Azog had vowed to destroy the line of Durin, something I would not come to know until the night of our betrothal when Thorin told me of this wicked plan. This had indeed become Durin's deadliest day, but before it would be over, Thorin would rise to make his stand against Azog.

Balin's record of this fight is more precise as I did not witness this. The two fought and Azog now faced and even angrier more resolved Thorin. When it seemed we might also lose Thorin this day, he stuck Azog, severing his arm. It is believed that the wound was a mortal one and that Azog wandered off to die.

The Dwarves began to succeed in driving off the rest of the Orcs, after resurgence. Now raging with anger and a renewed vigor, the dwarves pressed on as Orcs either dispersed deep into the mines or away across the valley and marshes.

Frerin was not wearing his mithril when we found him. We deduced that he must have given it to another. That would have been like him to want to protect someone not as well prepared. We sat for a long while with him, holding him in our arms as our tears washed upon his face. If only we could breath life back into him. Our hearts broke for his loss.

By the battle's end, we had all been given orders to collect the weapons, protective mail, boots and helmets from all of the dead, so returning Orcs may not take and use these things against us. There were so many now dead. So far as the eye could see, there was blood and the remains of some of the bravest warriors we would ever know. It was decided that there were too many for burial in the traditional stone tombs of our kind. Our men had no way of building them in that place. So, rather than leave our folk to raptors or beasts of the field, many pyres would be set and all of our dead burned. They would come to be known in their own epitaphs, by kinsmen, as the "Burned Dwarves". Thorin wanted it known that they gave every measure in battle, and would not suffer the indignity of being left on the field of battle to slowly rot away or be picked apart. Thorin first lay to rest Thror. It must have been necessary for him to be able to do this first in order to move on. He was silent as Dwalin and some of the other Dwarves assisted him. All who were left offered homage to Thror, then moved on to their kin and all who were left.

The thick black, oily smoke that burned, streaked across the night, blocking out the stars of the sky. The odor was strong, and almost as hard to bear as the very idea that this had become the fate of the ones we loved. The men worked tirelessly through the next 3 nights to fell more trees, in order to completely burn all that was left. We kissed Frerin and backed away, as Thorin and Dwalin raised him on to a platform of bound pines, above a circle of pines with Fundin, Nain and those of their group. Thorin reluctantly lit this pyre himself. He fell to one knee, and watched in disbelief, then dropped his head in sorrow. With great pain we stood, and watched, and wished helplessly, as the flames grew brighter, hotter, and consumed all.

Thorin was angry with Dis, and with me as well. He let me know that. With both of his hands on my shoulders, he said, "You should _not_ be _here_! I had no way of knowing then, that Thorin indeed had deeper feelings for me or that we would one day promise our betrothal and unite. It may in fact have been Thorin's first expression of deeper emotions, but at such a devastating time neither of us would have realized it. There was so much grief. He wanted us kept far from battle, but Dis was no longer a child who simply did what she was told. Not at a time like this!

"And where would you have us at my brother's death?" Dis lashed out. "I was here for him. We were here for him and for you. If I had not been, I would not have forgiven myself, or you Thorin!"

Her conviction surprised Thorin and I believe in the end, he was more relieved to have the extra hands helping him, although he never said so. He could be most persuasive when he was angry, but I wasn't afraid of him. I respected him. Our safety was his concern. That alone could be a terrible distraction for one who must at all costs succeed! Dis stood her ground, and gave him enough to think about. It was no time for quarreling. I said nothing. Instead, I moved on and continued with our grievous and unimaginable work.

Out of the ashes…

One of Fundin's soldiers, of the Iron Hills, whom we'd found on the battlefield, was still alive, although it appeared he had barely survived the battle. Though he lay scarred and unconscious, we were able to see he still had breath in him. That wasn't all. He was also wearing Frerin's mithril tunic. When he regained consciousness, and, eventually his strength, he told us how Frerin had ordered him to wear it. This did not come as a surprise to us. That was Frerin's nature. He helped us to aid more of the wounded, and collect the weapons.

His name was Thili, and, he would become a very important part of all of our lives.

I believed that despite the grave circumstances of the battle, and sadness that surrounded us, Thili lost his heart to Dis immediately! It was obvious that her beauty had not gone unnoticed by him. I could also see that he bore heavy feelings of guilt for taking Frerin's gift. He felt the price of Frerin's death was on his shoulders. He remained close and was great help to us in our work.

When it was time for us to leave Azanulbizar, and return to Dunland, he returned with us instead of going back to the Iron Hills. He was very curious about Dis, and continued to offer his service for Frerin's loss. His feelings of guilt over Frerin's death were very real, though it was not his fault. Dis was actually quite impressed with him, and as time moved forward, he sought Thorin's blessing to formally court Dis.

Our tattered lives, seemed to lack any reasoning for formalities anymore, but it was right of him to ask this of Thorin. It would not have been wise of him not to. I knew that Thorin appreciated his sense of propriety. Thili became the bright part of Dis' days that had for so long, been so dark, especially after losing Frerin. He was kind and handsome. His long, wavy, blonde hair, braids, and piercing green eyes were a stark contrast to the dark, lustrous hair and warm brown eyes of Dis. He fought with dual scabbards, that he crafted himself, but was equally skilled with a bow.

Thorin had decided we would again wander in search of a new opportunity and home. This time we wandered through Eriador. We settled at a place in the east of Ered Luin. Thili was most attentive to Dis, and she fell in love with him. I enjoyed watching them together as we made the long and difficult journey. It wasn't difficult to see, that they might find happiness. It was a new and wonderful, opportunity for Dis, who had suffered so much in her young life. Eventually we would settle in a place called Ered Luin. It was here that Dis and Thili married. It was here that they began a family of their own.

I will write more about Thili and Dis, but these pages are for Frerin.

There is much pain, sorrow and suffering in battle. For some there is no recovery, only the loss of those closest to the heart. There is great valor in defending a way of life. There remains the need to protect, but there is always suffering with war. Among so many others, we lost Frerin that day. I miss him very much, my teacher, my friend, and my brother. Frerin died a warrior and a hero like his kinsmen.

We shall never forget Frerin, heir of Durin.

He trained us to survive, and to his credit, we did.

From the official Journal of Tian

Wife of Thorin Oakenshield.

This journal is the property of Thorin Oakenshield, It may only to be shared with his consent, in the event that my death has occurred, and that there are no children born to us.


End file.
